Being Your Own Boss

I don't do well with unstructured time. Some people are really self motivated and push themselves to achieve and accomplish all they want and need to. I, on the other hand, have trouble focusing on tasks when I have all the say in how and when they are to be completed.

The funny thing is, I also become really obsessive about certain things from time to time. I will put hours and hours into an activity without even thinking about it. Sometimes it is something stupid, like video games or surfing the Internet, and other times it is something important, like planning an event or completing an important project.

I really wish I could find a way to get myself to a middle ground. A place where I am not scattered and unproductive, but also a place where I am not obsessed and consumed by what I am doing. Consistency, is really what I am looking for. Consistency in myself.

What was once routine...

This one’s about a dream I had last night
How an old man tracked me home And stepped inside
He put his foot inside the door And gave a crooked smile
Something in his eyes Something in his laugh
Something in his voice That made my skin crawl off

He said, “I’ve seen you here before I know your name.
You could have your pick Of pretty things.
You could have it all Everything at once.
Everything you’ve seen, Everything you’ll need,
Everything you’ve ever had in fantasies.”

“You’ve one life, You’ve one life.
You’ve one life left to lead.”

I woke up from my dream As a golden man
With a girl I’ve never seen With golden skin
I jumped up to my feet She asked me what was wrong
I began to scream I don’t think this is me
Is this just a dream Or really happening?

What direction? What direction?
I’m splitting up! I’m splitting up!
This is my personal disaffection

What direction? What direction?
What direction now?

I looked outside the glass At golden shores
Golden ships and masts With golden cords
As my reflection passed I hated what I saw
My golden eyes were dead And a thought passed through my head
A heart that is made of gold can’t really beat at all

I wanted to wake up again Without a touch of gold

What direction? Death or action!
Life begins at the intersection.

I woke up as before But the gold was gone
My wife was at the door With her night robe on
My heart beat once or twice And life flooded my veins
Everything had changed My lungs had found their voice
And what was once routine was now the perfect joy

You’ve one life You’ve one life
One life left to lead

Faust, Midas, And Myself
by Switchfoot

Have you ever wished that everything you touched turn to gold? What if you "could have it all, everything at once, everything you’ve seen, everything you’ll need, everything you’ve ever had in fantasies"? You can't, but what if you could? How messed up would my life be right now if, by some magic, that had been offered to me? For that matter how messed up would my life be right now if Jesus hadn't turned down that same offer? "Life begins at the intersection".

Tip for the day, don't live in the past for..."You've one life, you've one life, one life left to lead".